Why I Didn’t Abort My Baby, Even When An Abortion Would Have Saved My Life

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by thecarolinafarmhouse

IMG_1004I have been very absent on the blog lately, mainly due to life changes such as moving, traveling and the like. But some of you may not be aware of the latest “change” that has happened in our family’s life.

On January 21st, my husband, sister, son and I all went for my anatomy ultrasound to find out the gender of our newest little baby on the way. We eagerly watched the screen,hoping to catch a glimpse of something that would tell us what “it” was. But I am highly unskilled in detecting anything on those things…I don’t know how they do it!

But to my great delight it was soon announced that our little baby was a BOY!! I had not-so-secretly wanted another boy, so this momma was so happy! When I was 13 weeks pregnant, as I was falling asleep one night I felt the Lord strongly impress on my heart that we would be having another boy, and the name Elijah popped in my head. Now if you know anything about me, you know Bible names are not my favorite. Call me a sinner, but I blame it on my homeschool upbringing…I can’t count the number of Rachel’s, Abraham’s, Hezekiah’s and Jehosophat’s I knew. Okay, so I’ve yet to meet a Jehosophat. Just give it time. (ha) But that name would not leave my mind. So when we found out that our little man was indeed a little man, he instantly became Elijah.

They printed off our ultrasound pictures and handed them to us. “The doctor will be in shortly to dismiss ya’ll.” the technician said as she headed out the door. It was then that things began to change.

She told us that my amniotic fluid looked low and that my placenta had either holes in it or pockets of fluid. She wanted to schedule another ultrasound with the high risk office upstairs the following day.

As we left, I couldn’t help but cry on the way home. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. Chris tried to comfort me and tell me it was all going to be fine, but being the natural optimist I am, (ha) I didn’t believe him.

The next day, after the ultrasound, a doctor came in, pulled up a chair and put her hand on my leg. The technician grabbed a box of tissues, and sat down beside her. She began to tell me that I have what is called a partial molar pregnancy, where my placenta has a chromosomal abnormality that has most likely affected the baby. He would not make it and the risk to me in continuing to carry him put me in grave danger. The placenta would become cancerous and spread to my lungs, liver and brain.

She recommended I terminate the pregnancy. “You are our main concern.” she said.

My mind reeled with all of the information, but it all came to a stop when I heard those words. I am the priority? You think the best choice is for me to kill my child?!? What about that little life I just saw moving around on that screen? What about him?

I told them that termination was not an option for me, so we needed to look at different options. She sighed, and then began to tell me that this will be extremely risky to me and that I will be monitored closely. The baby might not even make it another day, much less another week.

So with that we left the hospital and headed home; grieved, confused and heart-broken.

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I was so shocked by the support we received from so many family members, friends and complete strangers when we shared the situation. We were (and are) so encouraged by all of the prayers people were praying for us.

But I was also extremely surprised to be asked by family, friends and fellow believers why I did not terminate my pregnancy. “Are you sure?” I was asked countless times. I was also told I made the “brave choice” or “I could never have made that kind of sacrifice.” Itsaddened my heart, really.

I am no hero.

I didn’t make a difficult decision.

I only did what I believe is right.

Here’s how I knew that decision was right: I know my God. I don’t mean this in a self-righteous way. But rather, because I know Him and what His heart is, I didn’t hesitate when it came to making a serious decision.

Yes, I could die. But I would rather die walking in obedience to the Lord, than live in rebellion against Him.

“For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.” Psalm 139:13-18a

God is forming little Eli inside of me right now. Skillfully creating his every bone, muscle and tissue. And His thoughts towards my little son outnumber the sand! How incredible! So knowing that this is how God feels about the little life growing inside of me, made my decision not to abort him a no-brainer.

“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

What a beautiful example I have in the life of my Savior, Jesus Christ. He gave Himself for me, and enables me to make that same sacrifice for my son. Because of Jesus’ sacrificial love for me, I am able to love others like that.

“Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” Matthew 16:24-25

As a disciple of Christ, I am not living for this life anyways. This is not my home. Earth is not my goal. I am striving for the eternal. This perspective, again, made my decision an easy one.

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I hope this sheds a little light on the situation and the decision I made to keep my baby. I am not some saint that deserves praise because I made that decision. I am a human being who has been redeemed by the God of the universe, and because of Him I am able to love like Him. He deserves any and all glory that comes from this.

{UPDATE: here and here}

 

 

Published by

thecarolinafarmhouse

Wife to my sweetheart. Mother to four blessings. Keeper of the place we call home.

28 thoughts on “Why I Didn’t Abort My Baby, Even When An Abortion Would Have Saved My Life”

  2. Dear Courtney,
    The doctors wanted us to abort our first child. They were positive she would be born severely
    deformed. (My wife would tell the story with a lot more detail). But abortion was not ever going to be considered. They wanted to keep doing test to determine how bad it would be, but we said no to that too! It didn’t matter, we were not going to change our minds. My wife prayed every day, from the time she suspected she was pregnant to the delivery, for our daughters health and protection. At the delivery they had extra staff on hand to deal with what they expected to be a bad situation. Well as soon as she was born I was in love and she looked beautiful to me. After examining our daughter for an extended time they brought her back to us calling her a star because of all that hair on her head. Their evaluation, (with surprise on their part), was she is perfect! We can’t find anything wrong with her! Now she is married and has a child of her own. We thank and Praise God! We will be praying for you Courtney and Eli for a similar testimony of God’s greatness and power for both of you! I recently heard a very similar testimony given by Tim Tebo’s mom, regarding her pregnancy with him.

    Blessing’s
    Doug

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  4. I am praying for you and your little one. You obviously already know that God can do anything. I am going to ask my church to pray for you, as well. We live in Oconee County, SC. If we can be of any help, we would be glad to.

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  5. Courtney and Cris you continue to be on our personal prayer list also on our church,The Sheffield First United Methodist,Sheffield, Al.prayer list and two small group list. Every day someone asks about you. We pray God’s continued presence as you go on in the pregnancy.We pray for your healing and for Eli’s healing.We love you all…….aunt tane

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  6. I just wanted to let you know one more person is praying for you. I am a birth and bereavement doula and loss mom so I have been on that table and been told my baby had a fatal diagnosis and it would be best if I abort. Because of my faith in Christ and that experience I know the decision you have made is an obvious and only option. Even so, I know how deeply painful it is to hear the news that something isn’t as thought with your baby!!! I am praying for you and your sweet little Elijah that the Lord will allow him to grow and thrive! I’m praying for you that you will remain cancer free. I’m praying your faith will increase more and more as you wait to see what Gods plan is for him! I am praying for Gods peace to surround you and that you will know and feel His presence!!

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  7. My dear husband is a physician who trained and worked as a pathologist at first (he’s now a family doctor). Pathologists are the ones who receive the “products of conception” (the terms he was required to use) after abortions. It was awful and most certainly horrific when he had to examine ones where the baby was perfect, even thought the parents had been told the baby was deformed. Medical science is not God and I am so glad you are following His voice and not your doctor. I will pray for you and your family and believe that our God is glorified in your choice. Expressing your thoughts and feelings so openly will have positive effects on many, they already have on this Mom of 4 adopted kids and 3 babies in heaven (lost in early pregnancy) and family nurse practitioner.

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  8. As a girl who knows the loss of a mother too soon, I find your self-aggrandizing prattle distressing. As a friend of a woman with a heart condition that may have to make the choice to terminate to save her own life as she has two other children to raise, I find what many will see as bravery and advice dangerous. Risk your own life and justify it by saying you seek the next anyway, but some will read your words and “boldly go” forth down a path of heartache and devastation. Maybe your children will take comfort in your philosophy if something happens to you. Maybe they will be angry that you had to chance to be with them and yet chose otherwise. I am not an unbeliever and given that my own youngest brother should have, by all medical accounts, died and yet he is 26 with a child of his own, though his condition was unknown in-utero, I do believe that miracles whether guided by the hand of God or the randomness of nature, take your pick, exist. I don’t know you and yet somehow this blog post wound up in my social media feed and while I do truly hope things go well for you, but I do also know the devastation of life without a mom taken too soon…the devastation of the one left behind to grieve and wonder what it would have been like to know my mom as an adult.

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    1. Susan, I can see that this topic brings out a lot of emotions in you due to your own life experiences. However, to use a phrase like “self-aggrandizing prattle” toward someone who is facing a serious illness and agonizing decision is heartless and cruel. I recognize that you don’t know Courtney. I do. I have known her since she was 13. All her life she has truly and sincerely desired to glorify God and to be a godly wife and mother. She is one of the sweetest and kindest people you could ever meet. This blog post is in response to many people asking for details about her condition — she is not being dramatic in order to get attention, nor is she condemning others in a similar position (like your friend) whose situations may require a different choice.

      The internet seems to somehow make it easier to express things in ways we never would to someone’s face, but as someone who says she is “not an unbeliever”, would you please in the future consider whether God is pleased with your words, and whether they will truly be helpful to others before you post them?

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    2. Susan, when someone’s life is at risk, it is so wrong to take another life in order to save the one. God is 100 % in control. That is the main thing. If God chooses to take Courtney, he will no matter what. If he desires for her and her son to live, they will. He is in control. And taking the life of her child will not change a thing.
      Praying for you Courtney!!

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  10. I had a friend send me this link saying that I should reach out and send you a testimony that recently took place. My cousin was diagnosed with the same thing as you. She also found out she was having a boy (Everett). They didn’t tell her to abort, but only because they *knew* he would die on his own. They told her to come in on Monday (her original apt was Friday) because they said he would pass and they would then go from there. My cousin reached out and asked for prayer. God is so good. He loves his children. I prayed for her in my own time, but also took this prayer request to a Friday night group that I attend. The presence of God was overwhelmingly strong. As we prayed for the placenta to heal itself, and for there to be life and not death in the name of Jesus… I *knew* things were going to work out. About two weeks ago, my cousin delivered her son. 39 weeks. Everett is completely healthy, and so is she!

    I’m going to pray for healing, and I’m going to bring this to my Friday group. Praise God because HIS diagnosis is greater, and truer than the doctors! I can’t wait to see the amazing update.

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  11. I just wanted to let you know one more person is praying for you. I am a birth and bereavement doula and loss mom so I have been on that table and been told my baby had a fatal diagnosis and it would be best if I abort. Because of my faith in Christ and that experience I know the decision you have made is an obvious and only option. Even so, I know how deeply painful it is to hear the news that something isn’t as thought with your baby!!! I am praying for you and your sweet little Elijah that the Lord will allow him to grow and thrive! I’m praying for you that you will remain cancer free. I’m praying your faith will increase more and more as you wait to see what Gods plan is for him! I am praying for Gods peace to surround you and that you will know and feel His presence!!

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  12. Prayers for you and your precious gift. You are completely correct there really is no decision to make. Its all in Gods hands. May God grant you a safe pregnancy and delivery and a healthy baby boy .

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  13. Wow….there could not have been a better time for this post. Just the other night, I broke down into tears about the tragedy of abortion. God led me to start writing an article about it that night. It is funny how God works to connect things in His timing and according to His Will, isn’t it? You and your child are in my prayers. Keep on following God’s path, and you will see rewards beyond measure!

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  14. The medical condition was different, but my daughter was bluntly told, “you must abort this baby otherwise you will die.” She answered, “that is not an option.” When threatening her about her own life did not cause her to abort, the doctors started in with all that would be wrong with the baby and it was in the best interest of mother and child to abort. She had to endure such suggestions until the very last month of her pregnancy. Thanks to the blessings of our dear Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, She and her beautiful five year old daughter are doing great.
    We and our Church heard about your situation from Joy Phillips. You are on our prayer list, we are having special prayer for you during our services, and I am requesting prayers for you from all my friends all over the country. We are requesting complete healing for you and the child. I read your blog, and agree with you that no matter the circumstances, God is in control. Like you, it saddens me, that so many do not understand your choices, and just now I have come to realize that I need to pray for them, that they are enlightened and can see that your choice was the only choice if we truly believe in God and totally trust in God. May the Good Lord above bless you greatly and use your testimony for his glory.

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  15. I respect your choice but I would offer that in this life I feel like it is already over if the end is all you are waiting for.

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  16. God is in control, no matter how many doctors tell you otherwise, He is Almighty God. Keep your faith strong. We are praying for you.

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  20. Hi! I just wanted to let you know I am praying for your son, for you and for your family! I also wanted to inform you of cancer fighting agents! I’ve learned in the past few years that what we eat and use greatly effect our health (more do than we’ve been led to believe here in America) I know for a fact pure/natural vitamin c (not from wal-mart) taken daily is very important for fighting cancer, in fact taken HIGH doses of it will kill cancer. (I recommend using Dr.Schulzes vitamin c, HerbDoc.com) Also, if you avoid processed foods, artificial anything, GMOs, HFCS, and eat organic foods you will not increase your chances. I know our Lord Savior and God Almighty can heal you and your baby without any change in lifestyle. I only encourage you to try such things so you could do your part, as you desire or feel led. Also, I know fluoride in our drinking water is highly poisonous. If you could purchase a water filter for your drinking water that would greatly help! (I recommend a ProPur filter or Berky filter) I know this is a lot of information but I know it can and will help you and your family. I just feel led to inform you! (You might already know all of this) I also suggest taking coconut oil, vitamin D3 and vitamin b12 daily because of their tremendous benefits and Americans tendency to be deficient in those vitamins. Im sorry for this overload of a comment, but I hope this helps you! Praying for you and your entire family now!!!!!! To God be The Glory!! Much much love -Jess

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  21. So*** taking *** (I misspelled and misworded in previous comment)
    Again, I highly encourage you to embark upon this suggestion. Please FEEL FREE to email me about anything if you would like to or if you have any questions. I know of other natural cures for cancer..I’m having trouble remembering right now, so once I find them again I will comment again….or email you if you could email me. Praying!!! To God be The Glory!! -Jess

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  22. God bless you…I am also a Christian and your story has blessed and inspired me to keep on trusting in all things great and small.

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