So I’m a Southern woman. I love football. Nothing is more fun to me than making a big spread, inviting people over and all hoopin’ and hollerin’ over a good ole football game.
I used to think I was quite a catch because of it. I would not be one of those wives who nagged her husband about watching football, because I get it. It’s addicting.
Then I married Chris.
I had no idea what I was getting into when I married that man. When football season starts, we are watching ESPN from Thursday-Saturday. As in, midnight on Saturday. It’s exhausting. I feel like my brain is melting out of my ears after watching that much football.
And this is supposed to happen every weekend of football season. Like every weekend.
So I suppose I kicked into survival mode and made some less than appreciated suggestions…and after the blank stares I received, I thought I would pass on my knowledge of what not to say, to save you football widows out there the trouble.
1. “Can I see the remote?”
I don’t really know what I was thinking on this one. Because as soon as the words left my mouth I regretted my decision. His eyes almost turned barbaric…like we were going to have a battle to the death over that little piece of plastic. I immediately created a diversion “WHOA DID YOU SEE THAT PLAY!?” And then ran away before he could destroy me.
2. “We should go on a date this weekend.”
This is also one I learned through experience. Just last week I asked my sweet mother-in-law if she could watch the baby so Chris and I could go on a date. Ahhhh adult conversation and Mexican food would be had by all!! How wonderful.
Well it was Thursday night. As in THURSDAY NIGHT, the opening of football season. And when I told Chris of my master plan over the phone there was complete silence. I said jokingly “So are you not going to take me out because of a silly football game!?” Again, silence. I asked again…a little more loudly “SO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE ME OUT BECAUSE OF A SILLY FOOTBALL GAME?? WELL THEN I’M GOING BY MYSELF AND YOU CAN NURSE THE BABY. WHICH I’M GUESSING WILL NOT GO TOO WELL.”
He took me out. But we made a compromise. We watched kick off and the first drive, and then went out and he checked the score on his phone. I didn’t get it…it wasn’t like Clemson was playing!
Which leads me into my third point.
3. “Why do we have to watch it? It’s not like your team is playing?”
The first time I used this one his mouth just hung open for a second. He literally did not know what to say. I thought I had a valid point…but apparently not.
You see, every game during football season is important. Even West Tupelo Christian Academy whose mascot is the fried squash (which I totally just made up). But the point is: it doesn’t matter if two schools are playing that you’ve never heard of before. WE. MUST. WATCH.
Now I love my Crimson Tide, and I look up when they are playing and try to work out my schedule on Saturdays so I can watch the game…but this I will never understand.
4. “How was your day?”
Asking questions like this during a game is really just a waste of your time. If you get a response it usually tapers off before a conclusion is reached.
“How was work today, honey?”
“Good, we had this big proj…FUMBLE!! FUMBLE!! His knee was NOT down! Come on ref make the call!!”
And you’re too afraid to ask another question because he just scared the living daylights out of you. You just hope whatever that was he was talking about went okay.
You quickly learn that sentences do not get completed during football season. They just don’t. But you get really good at finishing his out of necessity. That’s a plus.
So can any women out there relate?? Has football season become a lonely and even frightening time in your life? (ha) Well we can stand together, be strong, and come January watch our Say Yes to the Dress marathons again.