This Sunday at church every seat was taken and it was packed to the brim with new faces.
The college students are back!
Living in a college town has been so fun. When the students return there is such an exciting energy. They bring a zeal for life that I miss during the summer. This is all new to me since I lived in a small mountain community in Tennessee before I married Chris. And I’m already addicted.
But there is one drawback to having all of the college students back:
College girl attire.
Now before you think I’m one of those Christian women who gasp at hemlines above the ankle and think anything stylish is a spawn of Satan, I assure you that’s not me.
I love plenty of stylish things. I love sparkly shoes and jewelry and skinny jeans (which don’t make you skinny by the way…found that one out the hard way!). I appreciate beautiful things and I think a women should express herself in her own personal style.
I get it. I really do.
But today as my husband, my son, and I were walking out of church, I could see the underwear of the girl in front of me. Because her skirt was that short.
Sometimes in situations like this I’ve found myself getting angry at a girl’s immodesty. Doesn’t she realize how hard she is making it on all the guys around her who are striving for purity? Doesn’t she see all of the men who don’t care about purity oogling her body with their eyes because they can see almost every inch of it?
But today I wasn’t angry.
Today I was sad. Sad because I so resonated with her. Because that used to be me.
Before I was married, I was so polluted by my insecurities and desire to be considered “beautiful” and yes, even “hot,” that I tried everything within the bounds of modesty to be that.
No I didn’t dress like a slut, but I tried to get as close to the line as I could without people judging me. I didn’t want to “cause my brother to stumble,” but I sure as heck wanted him to remember me.
Then I got married.
Having a husband who loves me and thinks I’m all that and a bag of Skittles has not only shown me what unconditional love feels like, but has really been instrumental of the Lord in showing me more about the issues I have with my image. I’ve discovered that his love gives me a security in how I look, but by no means solves all of my issues. Only the Lord can help me with that. And we’re getting there, slowly. But that’s a post for another day. (ha)
But another thing that having a husband has done for me is giving me an inside look into the daily struggle Christian men have with lust. They have to fight hard. And it breaks my heart.
It breaks my heart because I knew this as a single woman. I’d read all the books. I’d shared all the blog posts.
Yet I still didn’t care enough to change.
I wanted to feel good about myself. And because of my pride and selfish desires, I dressed how I wanted to. Being desirable to the opposite sex meant more to me than loving the Christian men around me enough to buy a size bigger in my jeans.
So today when I saw that girl in the short skirt, my heart became heavy.
I wanted to hug her and tell her that she is loved by the only One who can actually be enough. More than enough.
And I wanted to tell her that one day if she marries a Christian man, she will look back on these days with regret, wishing she had loved the men around her more than herself.
I know I do.
I’ve linked this post to: Time-Warp Wife